Better Life Habits

What you can't tell by looking at someone...

On any given day people that you interact with could be:

• Afraid of losing their job
• Concerned about finances
• Suffering from crippling self-doubt
• Dealing with a difficult child
• Having marital problems
• Working for a jerk of a boss
• Coming down with something
• Coping with the death of a friend or family member
• Supporting someone close to them who is very ill
• Having car trouble
• Exhausted from making difficult decisions about an aging parent
• Reeling from just being yelled at
• Coming off of a night of poor sleep
• Distracted due to overwhelm
• Afraid of being exposed as incapable at work
• Feeling lonely

People mess up. They say they wrong thing, do something insensitive, fail to live up to promises, look at you funny, or do substandard work. It's frustrating and hurtful being on the receiving end of those kinds of behaviors, but in most cases we'd do well to allow for the possibility that just maybe the slight isn't about us. Consider that though we can't tell by looking, there could be a reasonable explanation for what just happened. Perhaps one of the above situations describes what that person is dealing with -- and then treat them with kindness.

How do YOU react to the misery of others?

A current news story shares the predicament of a 69 year old grandmother in France who was locked in her bathroom for three weeks before being rescued. She banged on pipes to attract the attention of her neighbors. But the neighbors thought the excessive noise was being made by workmen and started a petition to cease the incessant banging. You can read the story here...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40351842/ns/world_news-europe/from/toolbar

For me, an equally fascinating part of a story is how people react to it, so I often read the comments that follow. For this story, a few broad categories of responses emerged...

1. Poor thing, it must have been so traumatic.
2. How sad that her children and grandchildren don't call her regularly to check on her.
3. Her neighbors are French so of course they are selfish, unfeeling and punitive.
4. She is French so of course she is dumb enough to get stuck.
5. Why did she lock the door to go to the bathroom if she lived alone?
6. Walls in apartments are paper thin. Why didn't she try to break through a wall?

This is what we do. We react to what's happened to other people or what other people have chosen to do. It's what we've been doing forever it's just that now we have a forum for the masses to hear or read the opinions that we are certainly entitled to have -- but they sure can be mean.

"You are dumb. You are wrong. You are selfish. You are a bigot. I am smarter. I am right. If I could just help everyone be as wise as me." If we heard someone those exact words we would recoil at the arrogance of it. But usually we're smart enough not to say those exact words. We've learned to sugarcoat it or veil it in "opinion."

We do this at work and with our friends. We do it where we volunteer and with our families. We do it regarding news stories and politics and the latest celebrity scandal. Children and young adults learn early to do it to each other.

Of the six reactions above, only one (the first one) is based on enough fact to have any merit. How often do our own reactions in other situations fall into the other five categories? I'm an opinionated sort so I fear I may fall into those categories way more often than I'd like to admit. Though I guess I just did.

If an opinion has the potential to be cruel/judgmental/mean-spirited, a good self check could be: Is what I'm about to say/write kind? Is it true? Is it well-researched? Is it helpful? Will the world suffer greatly if I don't share my opinion?

"Don't just sit there at work, stand up to stay alive"

I recently posted about how I had a "bar height" desk built in my office so I could stand while I work. It's improved my energy and my productivity. Evidently this trend is a good one and is catching on.

The headline of my post is a quote from the following article:

"Too much sitting during your workday can hamper your productivity, and it can also send you to an early grave according to a new study."

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40273278/ns/business-careers/from/toolbar

Stand up and get to work!

Politicians, bullies and hope for a return to kindness.

 
To a person, everyone I spoke to who had something to say about the recent election agreed that the advertisements were disgusting. Adults doing nothing more than spewing inflammatory garbage about their opponent instead of using their time and dollars to tell us what they were going to DO if elected. I was grateful for the mute button and my ability to hum loud enough to drown out the dreck. The passing of election day has diminished the quantity of the attacks, but the name calling continues. And it all stems from the fact that people have very differing opinions about what is right.

Also a very big topic in the news these days is bullying. Far too many heartbreaking stories about children and young adults who have chosen to end their lives to escape the barrage of hate directed at them from their peers. Hate that stems from people being labeled "different".

Reasonable adults express shock and dismay at the cruelty of the young people. But with the examples being set, should we be surprised? Remember the politicians? The pundits? On a more personal level perhaps, who hasn't witnessed (or even participated in...I'm guilty) office gossip that stems from one person taking offense at how a co-worker behaves or handles a situation?

What a different world we could live in if before we react, we ask ourselves, "Is this the kind thing to do?" Or if a difference of opinion needs to be addressed, "How can I talk about this and still be kind and considerate?" Taking just a moment to think could give us the time to choose a different, gentler path. What a terrific habit that would be.

I'm a huge proponent of progress, rather than perfection. I don't expect very many of us can say with certainty that we won't stumble more often than we'd like. But even trying will make a difference. I'm not Pollyanna enough to think we'll change the behavior of politicians. (Though I do wonder how they justify to their children their derisive advertisements and speeches -- while telling their children not to be bullies.) But I can start with me and you can start with you. And that's a start.

Misrepresenting oneself...and other bad habits

 

Virginia Thomas is in the news. Evidently she left a voice mail for Anita Hill asking her to apologize for testifying that Clarence Thomas, Virginia's husband, sexually harassed Hill. This blog is not a political forum and I'm not going to get into whether Thomas did what Hill said he did -- though of course I have an opinion. What I find interesting about the whole thing is how Virginia Thomas explained her reasons for asking for the apology. She said she was extending "an olive branch to [Hill] after all these years" and that "certainly no offense was ever intended."

Really?

Just to make certain, I looked up what "extending an olive branch" is supposed to mean. It is "making a peace offering" just as I thought. And so Virginia Thomas believes that asking Hill to apologize is a peace offering. In truth it is actually more akin to hitting Hill with a stick.

When something controversial, unkind, or potentially inflammatory is said -- one should be prepared to accept the consequences. Pretending that "no offense was intended" when that was precisely the intention is cowardly. Mrs. Thomas called Anita Hill a liar. That she continues to defend her husband is admirable if she truly believes his innocence. But she left a message that she knew would re-ignite a firestorm, and then tried to put herself above the fray by misrepresenting her intentions.

So what productivity-related habit does this relate to?

E-mail in the workplace is fraught with opportunities to spew thinly veiled venom and then plead ignorance when the recipient is offended. Whether the first e-mail begets a continuous thread of escalating bad behavior or causes trails of acid-fueled gossip around the water cooler -- productivity  and relationships suffer. Passive aggressive behaviors serve no one and hurt everyone.

What I see happening in the workplace is that we are hiding behind e-mail to say things we should be discussing face-to-face. And often e-mail gives us the courage to be ruthless. Rather than building closer connections, e-mail can erode our ability to relate to each other as people.

Being angry is OK. Having a strong opinion is OK ,too. Wanting someone to stop whatever annoying thing they are doing is entirely reasonable. But as grownups it's our responsibility to learn how to communicate like grownups. And when we willfully decide we're not going to, we need to admit it.

If you or someone you know needs to learn how to approach a challenging conversation, I can help.

St. Louis Resource for Free Paper Shredding

 Everyone should have access to a paper shredder. Large companies often have a bin on-site that is regularly picked up by a shredding service or can hire a company to bring a truck on-site to shred the results of a major office clean-out. But what about the small or home office? A file clean-out often produces too much volume for a home-office shredder to handle, but not enough volume to warrant the expense of an on-site shredding truck.

If you are near the St. Louis area your answer is at American Document Destruction.  Yesterday I took a large bag of papers to their dock -- which is right next to the front door of their building. Rob, who was both very helpful and friendly, took my bag and had me follow him to the giant shredder where I watched him toss it in and then witnessed the shredded results as they came out on the conveyor belt. I was out of there in seconds and it was free!

Check them out at www.amdocdstl.com.

Better Cell Phone Habits for Job Hunters

I'm contacting applicants who are applying for an entry-level position and I'm stunned by how they handle their cell phones. It's competitive out there people! With lots of applicants for few positions, it doesn't take much to be eliminated from the pool of candidates.

Here are a few simple tips for folks who are looking for a job and therefore have distributed a resume:

1. Try not to answer your phone sounding hostile because you don't recognize the number calling you. You have a resume out there, remember? You may be receiving calls from people you don't know yet. Other than your resume, your voice, in this moment, is the first impression you are giving.
2. When you answer the phone, begin speaking immediately with the caller by starting with a cheerful "hello", or "This is Bob (if that's your name)." Don't continue to have the face-to-face conversation you were engaged in and assume once you've answered, the caller will hang on, listening to your other conversation, until you are ready. If you can't end your conversation when the phone rings, then let the call go to voice mail.
3. Return calls when you can be focused on the call. Multitasking is a dumb idea anyway, but it's REALLY dumb when you are trying to make a good, professional impression.
4. Don't return calls when you are engaging in heavy lifting, exercise or walking your dog. Hearing your heavy breathing during this initial get-to-know-you phase is really...awkward.
5. Be careful about talking on the phone outside when there is any kind of wind. It may sound fine to you but to the caller it sounds like you are in the middle of a typhoon. And it hurts the eardrums.
6. Do not butt-dial the caller after you've gotten off the phone. And especially don't do it multiple times.

I feel much better, now back to these calls. Wish me luck. Yeesh.

How to have less stuff in your office.

It's pretty easy for an office to get out of control, stuff-wise. Things come into our space with very little effort, but it requires time and effort -- even if just a little bit of both -- to get things out of our space. I've just recently undertaken an office overhaul of my own. I have a small office in my home that was beginning to feel claustrophobic due to excess stuff. So bit by bit I'm unloading. It's quite liberating really.

An organized office (whatever that looks like to you) is more productive and goes a long way to helping us better manage our time.

Below I've broken down into categories the items that might be cluttering your office environment. Do your own assessment and see which areas stand out as ones that could stand some thinning. As far as getting down to work, some people prefer to set aside a full day to tackle the whole room but most don't have that luxury and need to fit de-cluttering into an already busy workday. If the latter describes you, then break your clean-out projects down into small tasks you can accomplish in 15 to 60 minutes at a time.

• Books - Look at each title. Have you read it? Will you read it ever, or again? Do you need to keep it for reference or have you assimilated the knowledge into your brain and no longer need the source? You can sell used books on-line or donate them to a local library or book fair. (In St. Louis you can drop off books year-round at the Macy's loading dock for the St. Louis Book Fair.)
• Binders - These can be from old projects, conferences, etc. Have you looked at them? Will you use them? Can they be thinned out and put in a paper file?
• Knick knacks/photographs - If it suits your style it's fine to have personal items around to make your office homier but it can also get out of hand. Look at each item and ask yourself if it really makes you happy to look at it or it's just been there so long you've been looking right past it. While you may not notice everything that's accumulated, you'll probably get a lift from seeing uncluttered space when some of that stuff is gone.
• Logo'd items - Who doesn't love a freebie! But first of all, only take stuff you'll use. Next do a sweep of your office occasionally and cast off items that are ratty, out-of-date, cumbersome to use, or just in the way. Again, it's like the knick knacks. These things multiply without some amount of effort to keep volume in check.
• Writing instruments - How many pens do you need? Ditch unreliable pens, half-dry markers and highlighters, pencil stubs, etc. Only keep as many writing instruments as can fit in the space where you keep them (pen cup or drawer compartment).
• Office supplies -- Only have on hand what you'll reasonably use in a short amount of time. Most people don't need 12 legal pads, 25 stacks of sticky notes, or 3 boxes of paper clips. If you're in a large office, that's what the supply closet is for. If you're in a home office, the big box office supply stores will ship free to your home if you spend $50, so you don't have to stock up for a year to save shipping costs.

One of the biggest clutter sources is paper, and I'll cover how to handle that one in a separate blog post.

It's good to get into the habit of doing an office clean-out every six months. That way it never gets too out of hand and therefore isn't a huge project to get it back to the way that works for you.

No Phone Zone

For years I've been suggesting to clients -- and anyone else who will listen -- to use time in the car to think-- and to STAY OFF OF THE PHONE.  I'm not a fan of multitasking in most cases, and talking on the phone (or worse, texting) is a multitasking habit that can have, and has had, grave consequences.

Statistics show that being on the phone is akin to driving drunk. It reduces brain activity associated with driving by 37%. For those who say talking on the phone is the same as talking to a passenger, I politely disagree.

As you may know, in January Oprah launched her No Phone Zone campaign and today is officially No Phone Zone Day. Ideally, starting today people would forever stop texting and talking on the phone in the car. Is that likely? No.

Some thoughts and steps in the right direction...

• Never text and drive. Never. Don't read texts. Don't write texts. If you've done it in the past and escaped any negative consequences, consider yourself lucky and know that luck will run out.
• Business-people are busier than ever and I hear almost every day that if time in the car isn't used to make phone calls there is no way that sufficient work can get done. So if you feel you must continue to conduct business from your car, at least vow to use voice dialing and hands-free equipment. Even that is not ideal, but it's a step.
• Consider where you are when you are on the phone. It's astounding seeing parents on the phone in the car line at school during drop-off and pick-up times. What does it say to a child that whoever is on the phone is more important than being in the moment to wish them a good day or to give them full attention greeting them at the end of the day? And, moreover, kids model parent's behavior. It's hypocritical for parents to scold or be surprised if their new teenage driver takes on the bad phone habits learned from years of watching their parents do the same.
• How important is the call? If something tragic happened and you had to tell the story about why you were on the phone at that time, how would you feel? Even if all that happened is that you wreck your own car -- no injuries -- how mad would you be at yourself?
• Almost every day I hear people lament about how busy life is. How there's barely a moment to relax on this giant hamster wheel of life. Well, the world isn't going to slow down for us so we have to proactively take back control of our own time and set boundaries. You want some quiet time? Make your car a No Phone Zone.
• Visit www.nophonezone.com to read sobering statistics, find out about resources to help you make a shift in your phone habits, and to take the No Phone Zone pledge. 

One Day Without Shoes

 

Today is One Day Without Shoes and the organizers are "asking people to go the day, part of the day or even just a few minutes, barefoot, to experience a life without shoes firsthand, and to help spread awareness of the impact a simple pair of shoes can bring to a child's life."

I saw the owner of TOMS on television this morning and he said and that in one area he visited, children are not allowed to go to school without shoes. So many kids either share shoes in order to get some schooling, or are unable to attend at all because no one they know has any shoes.

The company who came up with One Day Without Shoes is TOMS www.toms.com  For every pair of TOMS shoes sold they give away a pair of shoes to a child who has none. And that's not just today. It's every day for every pair of shoes they sell.

So I'm going to spend some time without shoes today. And I'm also going to go out and buy a pair of TOMS.