Better Life Habits

Misrepresenting oneself...and other bad habits

 

Virginia Thomas is in the news. Evidently she left a voice mail for Anita Hill asking her to apologize for testifying that Clarence Thomas, Virginia's husband, sexually harassed Hill. This blog is not a political forum and I'm not going to get into whether Thomas did what Hill said he did -- though of course I have an opinion. What I find interesting about the whole thing is how Virginia Thomas explained her reasons for asking for the apology. She said she was extending "an olive branch to [Hill] after all these years" and that "certainly no offense was ever intended."

Really?

Just to make certain, I looked up what "extending an olive branch" is supposed to mean. It is "making a peace offering" just as I thought. And so Virginia Thomas believes that asking Hill to apologize is a peace offering. In truth it is actually more akin to hitting Hill with a stick.

When something controversial, unkind, or potentially inflammatory is said -- one should be prepared to accept the consequences. Pretending that "no offense was intended" when that was precisely the intention is cowardly. Mrs. Thomas called Anita Hill a liar. That she continues to defend her husband is admirable if she truly believes his innocence. But she left a message that she knew would re-ignite a firestorm, and then tried to put herself above the fray by misrepresenting her intentions.

So what productivity-related habit does this relate to?

E-mail in the workplace is fraught with opportunities to spew thinly veiled venom and then plead ignorance when the recipient is offended. Whether the first e-mail begets a continuous thread of escalating bad behavior or causes trails of acid-fueled gossip around the water cooler -- productivity  and relationships suffer. Passive aggressive behaviors serve no one and hurt everyone.

What I see happening in the workplace is that we are hiding behind e-mail to say things we should be discussing face-to-face. And often e-mail gives us the courage to be ruthless. Rather than building closer connections, e-mail can erode our ability to relate to each other as people.

Being angry is OK. Having a strong opinion is OK ,too. Wanting someone to stop whatever annoying thing they are doing is entirely reasonable. But as grownups it's our responsibility to learn how to communicate like grownups. And when we willfully decide we're not going to, we need to admit it.

If you or someone you know needs to learn how to approach a challenging conversation, I can help.

Is withholding information a defensible business tactic or a lapse of integrity?

Imagine a potential client contacts you or your firm and outlines either the need they have or the problem they want you to solve. Their need is great and their decision to buy -- from someone -- is certain. But the more you learn about their situation the more you realize that what you have to offer isn't the best match for their problem. You have a product or service that could help at some level, but you know that a competitor of yours has a better solution.

Do you tell the potential client about your competitor?

I can't speak for everyone in my line of work (coaching, consulting, speaking) but all the folks I know personally would let the potential client know that they would be better served by talking to the competitor. Most would even make the introduction. It kind of seems like a no-brainer to me.

But evidently that's not always the case in the health care industry.

In the last couple of months I've had the occasion to be at doctor appointments with someone close to me who is dealing with a serious illness. In a recent appointment a physician gave her a limited number of options to choose from in the effort to manage what is often a life-threatening condition. Not satisfied that these were the only options available, she visited a second physician in the same specialty area -- with dramatically different results. The second phsycian shared additional options that could potentially save her life.

What was learned is that in health care -- at least in this case -- physicians offer as options only those procedures they can do or are offered by their own hospital. Evidently it's more important to retain the patient as a source of revenue than it is to share every option with the patient -- because that could mean losing the patient to a competitor.

It was a pretty crazy and eye-opening realization. And as with most experiences I have, I tried to think through what that means in the bigger picture of the workplace in general.

So how does this relate to being organized and productive --which is the gist of this blog? I'll admit it's a stretch, and frankly it's more a post about integrity. But if we set aside the moral issue, there's also the issue of spending the limited amount of time we have on the things we do best. If we take on clients or jobs that are outside of our expertise or where we can only have a limited impact, that leaves less time to do the things at which we excel. Doesn't it make more sense to narrow our focus and work on projects where we can make the greatest postive impact? It goes back to making choices. Choices that not only serve ourselves but take into account the best interest of our clients.