Better Life Habits

What you can't tell by looking at someone...

On any given day people that you interact with could be:

• Afraid of losing their job
• Concerned about finances
• Suffering from crippling self-doubt
• Dealing with a difficult child
• Having marital problems
• Working for a jerk of a boss
• Coming down with something
• Coping with the death of a friend or family member
• Supporting someone close to them who is very ill
• Having car trouble
• Exhausted from making difficult decisions about an aging parent
• Reeling from just being yelled at
• Coming off of a night of poor sleep
• Distracted due to overwhelm
• Afraid of being exposed as incapable at work
• Feeling lonely

People mess up. They say they wrong thing, do something insensitive, fail to live up to promises, look at you funny, or do substandard work. It's frustrating and hurtful being on the receiving end of those kinds of behaviors, but in most cases we'd do well to allow for the possibility that just maybe the slight isn't about us. Consider that though we can't tell by looking, there could be a reasonable explanation for what just happened. Perhaps one of the above situations describes what that person is dealing with -- and then treat them with kindness.

How do YOU react to the misery of others?

A current news story shares the predicament of a 69 year old grandmother in France who was locked in her bathroom for three weeks before being rescued. She banged on pipes to attract the attention of her neighbors. But the neighbors thought the excessive noise was being made by workmen and started a petition to cease the incessant banging. You can read the story here...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40351842/ns/world_news-europe/from/toolbar

For me, an equally fascinating part of a story is how people react to it, so I often read the comments that follow. For this story, a few broad categories of responses emerged...

1. Poor thing, it must have been so traumatic.
2. How sad that her children and grandchildren don't call her regularly to check on her.
3. Her neighbors are French so of course they are selfish, unfeeling and punitive.
4. She is French so of course she is dumb enough to get stuck.
5. Why did she lock the door to go to the bathroom if she lived alone?
6. Walls in apartments are paper thin. Why didn't she try to break through a wall?

This is what we do. We react to what's happened to other people or what other people have chosen to do. It's what we've been doing forever it's just that now we have a forum for the masses to hear or read the opinions that we are certainly entitled to have -- but they sure can be mean.

"You are dumb. You are wrong. You are selfish. You are a bigot. I am smarter. I am right. If I could just help everyone be as wise as me." If we heard someone those exact words we would recoil at the arrogance of it. But usually we're smart enough not to say those exact words. We've learned to sugarcoat it or veil it in "opinion."

We do this at work and with our friends. We do it where we volunteer and with our families. We do it regarding news stories and politics and the latest celebrity scandal. Children and young adults learn early to do it to each other.

Of the six reactions above, only one (the first one) is based on enough fact to have any merit. How often do our own reactions in other situations fall into the other five categories? I'm an opinionated sort so I fear I may fall into those categories way more often than I'd like to admit. Though I guess I just did.

If an opinion has the potential to be cruel/judgmental/mean-spirited, a good self check could be: Is what I'm about to say/write kind? Is it true? Is it well-researched? Is it helpful? Will the world suffer greatly if I don't share my opinion?